Running Late

I'm late.
For being on time.
A creature of ingrained habits, I'm running behind schedule
this year.
The air currants are whispering "spring!", and the scent has
just now reached my nostrils.
And it's trouble in paradise.
My passion for skating has died out, just as the flowers along
side my house have awakened from their winter rest and are
beginning to poke their heads out of the defrosting ground.
Hand in hand, one follows the other every year.
My entire being rebels against going inside a stuffy, smelly
rink during daylight hours when I could be outside starting
to work in my flowers beds or be on my bike cruising
country roads.
What's totally acceptable in the dark winter months, doesn't
wash in spring.
Unlike previous years, where I dumped indoor practice for
outdoor, I have made commitments to teammates for
Nationals in 4 months, and don't have the luxury of heeding
the call of the wild.
Yikes..
The moment I walked in the door of the rink last night for
practice I was battling, "should I stay or should I go?".
Hanging on I made it through dryland, warm up in the
opposite direction and the first minute or two a regular
paceline routine of five laps each.
The first leader seemed to be going around and around
and around forever, and I wondered if he was counting.
( aren't you done yet?, let's move on guy..)
But the straw that tipped me out the door was the skater
behind me constantly using my back to "firmly" control
his speed even at the slow pace we were going. I wanted
to turn around and slug him.
Or bite his head off and spit it out..
Not a good sign.
Not good at all.
I was cranky, and spoiling for a fight...
Do I have an excuse?
Well, I've been worn out since Roanoke, plus I started
working longer hours on the job, and I picked up lifting
twice a week, and I feel a pressure to preform that
I never have before.
Wah, wah, wah...
With faster skaters pointing out areas where I can improve,
in the state of mind I've been in I want to share my thoughts
on their skating right back at them.
And it's not all pretty..
Like..
So, why, when we're not "supposed" to be taking strokes on
the long side, you do it all the time?
Is that how you keep your speed up?
Maybe if you did it like you were supposed to, like the coach
has told us to do it, over and over, you wouldn't have been
out ahead of me during that last drill, the one you later had
a helpful pointer to share with me about my skating and how
I could improve.
"Kiss my grits!"
See where this is going?
I've become a crank, a judgemental crank.
Trying to keep up with people 20yrs my junior, and other
ones that are bigger, or all the ones who are simply better.
And once you get faster, everyone expects you to go even
faster.
If you pass one person they want you to pass everybody.
And if you don't do either of the above, well, your not
trying hard enough.
OK.
I need to re-group, re-access, reform...