Whew..

For a brief period yesterday morning before leaving for work,
directly after turning around sharply to head back into the
kitchen, my vision fractured in both eyes.
I became confused as to why I couldn't see out of my left eye,
and why my right was like trying to see through a fun house mirror.
After maybe 15 seconds the worst passed and I just couldn't focus
for few minutes.
Nauseous on the way to work. and pretty much all day, I made an
appointment for 2pm to visit my Doctor.
He sent me to have an ultra sound done of my carotid arteries.
Guess I'll get a call today with the results..
I hate getting older..

My Plate

Just how much can I put on there?
There's my job and commuting, raising my son,
(OK, that's almost done), bill's to keep track
of, chores to do, over and over and over again,
online dating and the sometimes real dating that
stems from it, and the non stop care of our dogs/
cats/birds.
Blah, blah, blah..
Next Saturday outdoor skating starts again, I want
to ride my road bike a lot this year and of course
my motorcycle, plus I've agreed to join a womans
softball team this summer.
Do I have time for a karate class several times
a week?

Snow Day!

:)

Breaks My Heart...

Crack!...
It's horrible seeing my son sad and depressed,
knowing that there is nothing I can do to make
the situation be what he wants it to be.

He didn't get any of the top four job's he listed
and really wanted, and now the Air Force expects
him to sign a contract, tonight, for a job he has
no interest in.
A contract that states he can not request to cross
train into another job for 56 months.
That's a long time to be doing something you have
no desire to do..
I rarely see my son cry, but he cried last night..
Yet he feels honor bound to sign.
So sign he will..

Whew..

Thankfully when I put my skates on last night
and stood up, I felt that "deep in my boots"
feeling right away.
For the first time in 3 weeks :)
While my right leg still has a tender bump along
the outside of my shin, the major bruising and
soreness I've had is almost gone.
Woo! Hoo!
It wasn't perfection when I rolled onto the
floor, but it was 95% compared to pre-crash.
During relays I was leaning again on the ends.
What a palatable sense of relief I felt when I
realized that the floor and I were working together
again!
Ate dinner too close to practice though and fought
the urge to vomit all during that portion of practice..
Never again!

Sunnier Days

That's what I need, more sunny days.
Sun light of any duration would be welcome..
How I am going to love spring this year!

My back has been a 24/7 issue for weeks, ever
since I decided to do something about firming
up my meno belly.
I learned in short order that I "can" do military
sit ups, no problem, but they do a nasty number
on my lower back after the fact.
:(
When I switched to sit ups on the exercise ball,
I thought there we go, a workable solution!
Not.
I was a cripple by next morning.
Now my bed is a torture device..
Rats!
I've been here before, so know I will recover,
eventually, but till then, ouch!

Stinking Thinking...

In front of a computer screen, in the mist of February,
it's dark and cold, with more cold to come..

Age is becoming a monster, and the changes happening to
my body unsettle me.
Curse peri-menopause and menopause after it!
I'd rather deal with a period once a month and scheduled
mood swings then what's happening to me.
At least I'd still have good skin.
Now, I never know what's coming, or how permanent it's
going to be when it gets here.
And for a woman who often said that looks aren't important,
I now find them quite so.
Looking at the back of my hands horrifies me..
Crack!
If that's what my skin and veins look like now, what the
heck will they look like in 8 years when I'm sixty?
This totally sucks.

Gurrrrrrr....

Having my legs burn during warm ups is never a
good sign,and that's been occurring for the last
week or so of practices, ever since I took that
dive into the floor.
Can't blame it on that, nor my current frame of
mind, but that fall was the start of my downward
spiral.
Sunday I left the floor, took my boots off and
left halfway through practice.
When asked by my Coach what was wrong, I couldn't
say..
Tears began to roll on the drive home, and started
again after I changed into warmer clothes, laced
up my running shoes and headed out the front door
for a 3 mile power walk.
It was 25 degrees, windy, and a few times gusts
blew me side ways.
I don't like where I am mentally, or the thoughts
and feelings I'm experiencing.
Yet, there they are, and I can't escape them.
Believe me, I've tried.
This time of year is difficult, the darkness doesn't
help, and skating drags on and on.
Internal motivation is slipping further away and I
am weary of seeing people join the team, move behind
me in line and ahead of me in ability.
My balance issues smacked me where it hurts last night
and my heart wasn't in a sturdy enough place to suck
it up.
Why do my personal issues, my personal weaknesses play
themselves out so strongly in my training?
There has never been a venue that has taken me up nor
brought me down into ugliness like speed skating has.
I'm not sure what I want to do about that..

Cross Roads

Standing off to the side at practice last night,
watching as team mates finished up a drill, I just
didn't want to be there.
And later, at the start of a new drill, an over
whelming urge to take my skates and go home swept
over me.
It's somewhere I have been before..
And it's not a place I like being.
Though I stayed, and practice wasn't as bad as
Sundays, I regretted having lost the high degree
of comfort I've been enjoying for months.
Without intending it, the floor, that has been so
comfortable, so solid and inviting, something I'd
relished digging into with my wheels and pushing
off of with determination, going faster and faster,
has become cold and slippery.
My joy has been replaced by fear.
How can you lose confidence so fast?

My lower back hurts, my leg hurts and my boot digs
into my right ankle where it never has before.
And I'm angry about it..

Tuesday

Hope I'm not getting sick again..but for the past
three days I've been dragging my wagon. I'm in bed
by 8pm and lights are out by 9, if not earlier.
Still feel beat up and sore from Saturdays fall.
And I didn't do my arm work out last night because
they are too sore along with my right shoulder.
All I wanted to do when I got home from work was
go to bed..
Getting older bites!
Don't let it happen to you!!!
LOL
Instead, I made myself go out for a 3 mile power
walk and ran a 1/2 mile of it.
A few years ago, on a hiatus from skating, I'd
built up to running 5 miles at a stretch.
Didn't enjoy it much, but I could do it.
It had been many, many years before that, while
training for a local Tin-Man Triathlon in my late
20's that I discovered my body wasn't made for it.
Running that is.
It's at home on in the pool or on the bike, but
running is a battle of will power.
So why I'm I planning to take it up again?
Just to prove to myself, that while I may be going
to hell in a hand basket,( F'ing DNA! grrrrr ), and
I am pissed as all get out about it, my will power
is in there somewhere and it's going to be put to
use..

Wham, Bam

Coach is back in the house.
Relaxed,dark skinned,and with a smile etched on his face.
A week in Mexico, in January, will do that to you..
:)

Good showing of skaters last night.
New and old alike.
At the beginning of practice my calves felt the absence
of last weeks floor time. It amazes me that all it took
were five days to start losing ground.
I wasn't able to stay in for the whole 100 lap pace.
Two minutes shy there, which bothered me.
Of course, unlike last year, we are now called on to catch
the pack several times, that adds laps, along with racking
up the effort factor, but still,I was disappointed.
Oh well, next time.

Couple of decent falls, my own included.
First real fall on the new floor.
(my "first" fall was over a young boy who went down right
in front of me, it was slow-mo, so doesn't count)
This was during relays, my turn out, at the apex, felt my
wheels ?, and next thing I know I'm flying up and into the
floor, right arm hitting first, with my hips continuing
the arc, flipping my lower half over the rest and slamming
it, and the outside of my right leg, into the hard wood.
Last down was my head.
Thank God for helmets..
Wham, Bam!!
Crack!
Groans escaped my mouth..
Man O' man!

Last time I fell hard, 2 months or so ago, it was over an
adult who went down out of a corner, sprawling across the
track.
I moved to the inside to avoid him, but there wasn't enough
time or room and I hit him like a train.
Thought at the time I'd broken in pieces..
(my left knee still bothers me)
Am I turning into a wussy?
Hope that isn't the case.