Changes

Some come along quite naturally.
A light wind from an unexpected
direction.
That warm welcoming breeze that fills
your sail with joy and takes you to new
places, a new way of living, if your
bold enough to leave the dock where you
have been quartered.
In this place, laughter is the coin of
exchange.

Some potential changes sneak into your
peripheral vision, and like a half forgotten
dream, your just unable to bring them into
focus.
There is no bringing them forward, into
the everyday world, no matter how much you
think about them.
No matter how much you want them.
Where they ever meant for you?

Some things you hope to change.
And these play on constant rewind, over
and over, in your mind, till you wish you
hadn't paid that electric bill, and that
someone would just freaking turn the power
off to that projector..

Special People

There are a bunch of them in my life
and on Sunday a handful got together
as volunteers for a Special Olympic
quad skate meet at our rink in Bethlehem
PA.
It was my first time seeing an event of
this type and watching the skaters, all
with differing abilities, brought to mind
that to be in the game, whatever game it
is, is what life is all about.
All who participated, inspired me.
And one gal in her red sequenced outfit
brought tears to my eyes as she went out
on the floor for her figure routine,and
barely moved.
Because she couldn't do anything else..
Yet there she was, doing what she could.
Being, doing, striving.
The very essence of the human spirit..

It's Back..

One of the great things that didn't take
place at Nationals, were any issues with
my lower back.
The only time I was concerned about it was
during warm ups. As I did hip openers with
my right leg, my vertebrae would "pop" with
each one.
No pain though.
We started outdoor this week and now it's
acting up..
:(
I'm I physically not made to skate outdoor?
Except for short sprints, I'm not very good
at it..
My coaches flailing armed example of what I
look like when I'm tried and just trying to
finish my miles out, was so spot on, that it
cracked me up!


It's not often I pick up stuff other folks
are throwing out, but last night I couldn't
resist. Stopping to check out the NordicTrack
someone had at the end of their driveway with
a "FREE" sign taped to it, I felt like a blood
hound who had found a fresh scent.
Turning my car around, I pulled over onto the
grass, and checked it out as best as I could in
it's folded position.
Everything was there, including an instruction
manual and the original receipt.
And, but for some dust, it was in very good
condition.
It all went in the small trunk of my car, and
I drove the rest of the way home with the trunk
lid up in the air.
Now it's set up in my living room, and along with
my slide board it's more than a little crowded in
there..
Now I'm thinking of taking out the chairs and
turning that room into my own personal gym.
Either that, or I need a bigger house..

Recovery Mode

Guess I was tireder than I thought.
On the way home last night I was falling
asleep in the car and had to pull over in
a parking lot and nap for 20 minutes.
That got me home, and I was in bed asleep
by 7:30pm.
Which meant I woke up at 2am.
Went right back to sleep though, till the
alarm came on at five, and easily could
have turned it off and slept longer.
Reading other skater posts, quite a few
of us are still playing catch up from
Nationals.
Strange.
The clarity I had while there is beginning
to blur.
The blanket of life's routine is fast taking
the edge off of mere week old memories.
There were moments in the Civic Center
when I "knew" what I wanted, "knew" what
I needed to work on when I got home to
make positive differences in my skill
level.
Four of those goals I wrote down in my
training journal while I sat in the
stands watching others race.
I will likely add a retrospect fifth.
Can I keep hold of the crystal clear
vision I had in Omaha?
Probably not.
Life affords all of us special moments
in time, and Nationals was one of mine.
But life goes on outside that rarefied
air.
Bills lay on the table here at home,
waiting to be paid.
Daily chores, my chores, can't be pawned
off on anyone else, any longer, and then
there is the on going rhythm of the work
week.
Routine.
Something I once found comfort in.
Having that bit in my mouth doesn't
taste very good right now..

Outdoor at Emrick

Yesterday evening, as I drove to practice,
I was excited to see those team mates who
hadn't come with us to Nationals.
I'd missed them the week we were gone.
And of course it's always fun seeing John R.
who had flown out of Omaha mid-week, after
his races were over.
Sweet sounds those voices, ringing out in
laughter, joking around with each other.
For me, outdoor is not the same as indoor.
The first mile my legs and hips called up,
"whoa!, what you doing to us??" but it
took 10 miles for them to feel tired.
It was a good way to get them thinking about
the what's ahead, and the fact that the work
doesn't stop after Nationals.
Before I know it the 2007/2008 season will
be starting and I need to be ready.
Coach had us do some dry land afterwards,
crosses and low walks, up a grassy hill.
Crack!
My left knee complained. It had taken a decent
hit on my first fall last week, and told
me all about it going up that hill.
And my coordination issues, as in lack of.
once again came to the fore front.
Well, filling the gap where natural talent
could be, with determination, will have to
do.

I'm Thankful

For waking up in the same position I fell
asleep in!
Yes!!
The thrill is gone and I'm slipping back into
my everyday routine. My body has figured out
it no longer has to be on hyper alert, and is
relaxed enough to slide easily into sleep, and
stay there till the alarm goes off.
Ahhhhhh.....
I am so happy that I went to Omaha with my Team!
That I got to support them on and off the National
floor, that famous wood floor I've been hearing
about for years.
So happy that when it was me out there, my ears
caught pieces of familiar voices. Some cheering
as I passed, some yelling out instructions, all
filled with heart pounding excitement.
And it was exciting!
A full week of almost non-stop action.
Because if I wasn't racing, or getting ready to
race, someone on my team was :)
There was always someone I know to watch, and in
between I made new friends and visited the many
vendors in attendance.
I bought some cool stuff and spent too much..
Oh well, I'm not sorry about the broke state I
find myself in now, it was all fun :)
Our coach brought a video camera and almost all
of our races were recorded and can now be reviewed.
That in itself is a priceless training tool.
What you think you are doing, and what you are
actually doing, can be two different things!
Can't wait to go over them again once things
settle down.
Nationals 2007 tested my mettle.
I learned I am stronger than I thought I was.
And that my ego can take a hit or two, or three,
and survive.
I learned that bad habits like to pop up when
you'd least like to see them...
I learned to keep my eyes up and looking in the
direction I am going, and to keep my weight
forward, at all times, after the gun goes off.
And that what feels "forward", isn't very forward at
all..
Now, I knew I had great team mates, and in Omaha,
they proved it over and over again.
I've thanked my coach privately for his dedication
to our team, his dedication to all of us as individuals.
For the time he spends, all the innumerable hours,
inside and out, training, watching, thinking,
encouraging, motivating, all of us.
We wouldn't be a team without you..
Let the evolution continue.

Nationals 2007

I said I'd go, and I did.
Committing to the whole experience of
preparing for the "big really show", I
put my heart into the adventure.
At practice, in the weeks before our
team left for Omaha, I tried my best in
all the drills our coach put us through.
I showed up, body and soul.
When we landed in Nebraska, the training
was over, and it was time to "trust our
stuff".
Nationals.
Where the best in the country race.
Where you see it all.
Where you are seen by all.

In the back of my mind, somewhere,
unspoken,I wondered if I would choke.
Wondered if I'd be able to keep my
focus.
Wondered if I was strong enough..
Wondered if I'd really be able to race
when the heat was on.
My first practice was early Sunday morning
and I took a hard fall trying a start.
Dang!
That was a blow to my ego..it wasn't to be
the only it took.
Then I raced.
Monday.
Tuesday.
Wednesday.
Thursday.
and
Friday.
And the most I slept on any one night was
3 hours in a row.
We all had very long days.
Mine usually ran 4am till after 11:30pm.
And Friday morning my body spoke up.
It had something important to tell me.
She was really, really, really tired.
So very tired..

When the alarm went off that morning,
I felt nauseous.
My heart was tight, and felt sick.
When I got dressed, I was light headed,
and walking over to the Civic Center I
kept looking for the nearest trash can
because I thought I was going to throw
up at any moment.
Fact was, I felt so bad I went to see
the EMT guy who USARS had stationed
right in the skater ready area.
Mentally I knew I couldn't be having a
heart attack..he took my pulse, and it was
normal, but my blood pressure was high.
190 over something.
It's why I felt like shit.

I learned I am a cardiac responder.
Too little sleep and too much stress
= a big problem.
Taking his advice I went to lay down,
but instead started walking around the
upper floor of the Civic Center, in an
physical and emotional fog.
It was there that Tami Foster, my 4 Lady
relay partner, ran into me and immediately
asked if I was OK.
Guess I looked about as bad as I felt.
Filling her in, she told me to stop
walking around and to lay down and put
my feet up like I'd been told to do.
Tears started rolling down my cheeks..
And they kept rolling.
While I laid down, they rolled into my
ears and pooled in puddles, and I was too
drained to wipe them out..
They rolled down my face when I got up.
And were still rolling when my coach
found me.
They didn't stop as we sat on the stairs
and talked about what was going on in my
body.
Would I be able to get on the line for the
two races I had that day?
The Veteran 2 Woman and the Veteran 2 Mix?

The Vet 2 mix...
With Jeff Foster.
The big show, of my first Nationals.
The spot light race.
The last race of the week for me.
Taking place the evening, on the day, I was
the tiredest I have ever been in my life.
When I was at such a low point of emotional
and physical vulnerability, that it shocked me.
How could I recover from the place I was in?
I was to find out in the next handful of hours..

Continued:

Finding a secluded location my coach had
mentioned, I laid down for 20 minutes on
the hard wood platform, behind a black
curtain.
There was no problem emptying my mind, I
was too beat to think.
Listening to what was on my MP3 player,
I stared at the ceiling.
Then on impulse, I got up, found my skate
bag, and grabbed the tennis ball I use for
pressure point massage. Then made my way
back up to the second floor.
Ear buds in place, I began bouncing the ball
on the floor and catching it with my right
hand.
Then I started walking.
One trip around the civic center after another.
Bounce, catch, bounce, catch, bounce, catch.
And against a wall.
Throw, catch, throw, catch, throw catch.
Right and left handed.
Time passed, with me focusing on that tennis
ball.
Not thinking, just throwing and catching.
And I moved from being a total wreck to only
being totally tired.
When it came time to get down to the skater
ready area and change out of my shorts and
into my uniform for my Vet 2 Woman semi, I
was beyond being concerned about who saw
what.
That was so unimportant.
What was on my mind was making my tags
with Rosemary.
Physically, would I be able to keep it
together?
Would I fall apart?
Would I be able to think straight?
I had no answers to those questions..
And wouldn't until I was on the floor.
Could I even get on the floor?
It wasn't an option not to.
I was here for my team, I was here to race.
And race I would.
If I fell a hundred times and had to drag
myself across the finish line, I would not
quit.
Rosemary started for us and we did what we
came to do.
I think we would have made it out of our
semi if we had been in the first group of
women to go, but it was the luck of the
draw that we were in the second group.
That's the way it goes racing.
We didn't do anything to be ashamed of
and next time I think we will place better.
And it broke the ice for me.
I didn't fall apart, or down, and we made
our tags.
It was some time before the 2 Mix with Jeff
and even so I made sure I warmed up before.
Instead of the usual stretching, I danced
to music on my MP3 and I didn't care who saw
that either.
And people did see, and asked about it later.
Booted up, helmet cover on, waiting for our
semi to be called out to warm up, there was
no thinking. I didn't have the energy required
to think.
When it came our turn to roll out on the floor
my heart rate shot up like a rocket. I was too
tired to get worried about it.
I just let it go.
There were to be no miracles during our race.
I made my tags, I didn't fall, I had a few
decent laps.
I trusted Jeff and trusted my training.
We didn't make it out, but in a way I did.
With the support of my team, my coach,and my
friends, I made it out of a physical meltdown
and on to the National floor..
I didn't quit when it got tough..

That's All Folks

With our last practice one for the books,
now all that's left is to get through work
today, and start packing tomorrow.
Well, and do laundry, and go to the grocery
store, and make lists of what to do for my
17yr. old son who is staying home for the
week I'm gone.
A few of my plants might not make it out alive,
but other wise I've no doubt all will be well
when I get back from Omaha.
My team is totally ready for Nationals.
Our training has been thorough, and will
shine when the gun goes off.
Let's rock it SOS!!!

Illusions

There are a bunch of pictures on the Internet
from the race last Saturday out at Trexlertown
and two or three of me.
There I'm rolling through the woods on a warm up
lap, looking retarded, and later, there I am near
the finish line, either after I finished, or on
lap five or six.
Must have still had a few laps to go 'cause I
don't look bad enough for it to have been the
end of my 10k.
Bent over hands on knees, looking at the track
below my feet, I look nothing like the pictures
I have taped in the training journal I started
earlier this year for inspiration.
Those photos show skaters in full stride, knees
bent, arms swinging.
Now those gals are skaters!
No, I look like what I am, a middle aged woman
with inline speed skates on her feet.
It's disappointing not to be a pretty skater, a
graceful skater.
It's disappointing to take longer to finish a 10k
than some runners..
Yet, everything is relative.
I would have been thrilled last year to break a 30
minute 10k on the T'town track, and on Saturday I
was 23+.
It hurt, and I looked like it hurt.
Well, it is what it is.
And I am a speed skater, graceful or not..

Nationals Count Down

Five more days and my team will be in Omaha for
Indoor Speed Skating Nationals!
Wow!
It's getting down to the wire now..
Practice last night was a tough one to get to.
I was beat.
Simply, and utterly beat.
Nationals is what got me in the car and heading
in the direction of the rink.
Didn't skate well but I'm not worried about it.
Our last practice is Wednesday, and I've decided
that I'm taking tonight off from my usual after
work filing job.
In fact, I'm not doing anymore filing till after
I get back.
Woke up this morning, at 4:05am, with a crushing
headache. One that got me up and kept me up..
:(
Yep.
It's time to relax and rest.
Am I concerned about how I'll do in Omaha?
Guess I should be.
The fact is, I believe I am ready.
My body knows what it is supposed to do, and I'm
sure it will get some of it right.
If I remember to breathe and focus, if I go to the
start line ready to have fun, I'll do fine.
If I get bent out of shape about "how" I will place,
instead of focusing on how to race the floor, well,
that could hurt me..

ESS #3

The Eastern Seaboard Series is simply blessed
by the weather God!
This Saturday past was a beautiful sun filled
day and though a few people were concerned
about rain, their fears were unfounded. Race
director and founder, Bob Albanese once again,
as he has without fail, provided a morning of
action packed racing for Lehigh Valley skaters.
I missed last months race, choosing to work
instead.
Nationals is somewhere I don't want to go having
to count pennies, so I'd spent the day at the
Dealership in the file room.
With a little encouragement I canned my plans
to work again, at least a full day, and ended up
driving, working,racing, driving, working and
finally driving, home.
It's was a full day!
The good news is my time for the 10k was a PB.
Take a minute off the clock for the men's wave
who were sent off 60 seconds ahead of the women,
and my 23+ broke 24 minutes.
Considering a long range goal of mine had been
to break 25, someday in the future, it was the
clock that ended up giving the race meaning for
me.
See, racing outdoors does not make me happy..
Racing outdoors, hurts.
Hurts a lot.
And skating out of a pack, outdoors, sucks.
For whatever reason I've never managed to get
in one during a race.
Like the three bears, the speed is never just
right.
Too fast, too slow, and there I am, by myself,
gutting it out.
This time I had a plan.
The mass start would give me the opportunity
to hook up with male team mates I often skate
with.
Tucking in between them was my action plan.
Which, was unhappily foiled when on the line
awaiting the start, a few "women" demanded that
the guys be sent out ahead of them...
Gurrrr...
So it was a woman I tucked in behind, and there
I stayed till she bailed after the second lap
of T'town's 1 mile track.
Bailing was not in my game plan so I picked it
up feeling annoyed I was out on my own again.
It wasn't too long before I heard the steady
strokes of someone coming up behind me after the
hill.
Looking over my right shoulder I thought, "Hey!,
I know her!"
And in behind Loradonna, I went.
Her stroke is different than my norm, but I did
my best to mimic her short, steady strides.
When she faltered, her coach Helen H. was there
to spur her on and it worked like magic.
I was impressed.
I was also dropped eventually..
Ahhhh, well.
It was good while it lasted.
Lap five is pure torture.
My legs are in constant pain and my mind never
ceases informing me how much "this" hurts..
"MAKE IT STOP!!" it screams at me.
Yet I don't.
Knowing there is no grace, and absolutely no
beauty in how I am skating, I do it ugly, and
despite taking a few rolling rest breaks, I
suffer but don't cave in to the pain.
Lap six.
Only one more.
I can do, one more.
Then I am approaching the finish line, glancing
at the time clock as I cross it and in a haze,
wonder why the tear tag guy is so damn far away..
That deed done, I roll back down to my blanket,
exhausted.
Not only am I tired, I am one completely cranky
51 yr. old.
For about 10 minutes.
That mood passes as I recover, and realize I did
a 10k in under 24 minutes.
For me a good time.
It gives meaning to the pain I thought was worthless.
Can I break 23 next time?

Hoarding

Used to be I was really afraid, and I mean
afraid, that I wouldn't have enough energy
for practice.
That sometime during, after I'd worked as
hard as I could, I'd grind to a halt, worn
down and worn out.
Thinking I wouldn't have enough juice, I
became an energy horder.
Perhaps because I found inline skating such
a challenge. Physically it whooped my ass
and emotionally?
Well, it's been a large part of my evolution.
July 21st, the day I fly out of Omaha after
Nationals, marks the 4Th anniversary of
meeting up with with a group of people that
became my team, and family.
Rolling around on fitness skates had become
very boring the first summer I had a pair and
then my next door neighbor mentioned something
called "Sports Fest".
He had attended it for it's weight lifting
competition.
Included among many other sport competitions
were skating races.
Giving me his event booklet to look through
I found the phone number of the inline skating
coordinator, called, left a message, and a
week or so later some guy named Bob, called me
back. After a brief chat, he told me where I
could meet up with a group of other skaters,
a team called SOS.
I was really excited driving to the location
he'd given me!
Little did I know how high over my skill level
they all were, or how long it would take me to
reach the same place.
Truly, I was awful in comparison.
Didn't matter to them.
Only mattered that I'd shown up.
And now, four years latter, I'm going to
Nationals.
And that guy Bob?
Well, he became the coach of the Team.
Skaters have come and gone.
Kids have grown up and gone to college, adults
have lost interest and left.
I even came, went, and came back again.
A time or two..
It still worries me that I won't have the
energy needed to get through practice.
Because it takes days for me to recover from
a hard one.
Last night, after the first sprint build up
drill, Bob gathered us around and told us that
it was the last "hard" work we'd do.
With only 9 days to go we are on a taper.
Those of us going to Nationals are getting
giddy with excitement!!
We are going to have a blast together!
We have been prepared.
The hard work will pay off.
We will not only see the podium, we will be
standing on it!!

Holiday

This one is mid week but I'll take a day off
where ever it's put.
My plans to lay out on the patio for a few
relaxing hours and get a tan have gone out
the window, it's over cast and looks to stay
that way.
Perhaps I'll work in the flower beds a bit
and do some weeding..and do laundry, and clean
the house.
Life is 99% maintenance someone once said..
:O
Anyway, practice kicked butt last night!
Mine along with a few others.
Actually, there were only a few others there.
The seven or eight that showed up made a small
group compared to the pace lines of 20+ that
came to be the norm just a month or so past.
Summer has that effect on people.
Folks want to be outdoors not in.
We joked about it.
This is the longest I've skated indoors, I'm
always outta the rink by March, but then I've
never made the commitment to go to Nationals
before.
For inline speed skaters the season for
training never ends. There is no "down time".
Your either training for indoor or outdoor
racing.
It's a year round sport.
Last night, after the first drill ended, a
sprint build up, I was so beat I could only
stare off into nothingness as I sat down and
took a drink of Gatorade and ate a banana.
I'd only missed 1 sprint lap out of the drill
and that was due to inattention, and other
than having to take my recovery laps on the
inside track towards the end, I'd finished it.
Something that would never have happened last
year.
Once, I had to remind myself that those ahead
of me are 30+ years younger than I am and not
to take not being able to keep up as a failure.
I have to do the best I can and take it where
it leads me and not make comparisons.
When we were called back to the floor for
relays I was too pooped to pop and just didn't
have the juice in me to make any decent effort.
Passing drill was next and then we did a few
starts, with me alone on a line, and everyone
else one line behind me.
This I'd been worried about, worried I'd freeze.
It's Nationals that's spooking me..
So when I didn't freeze, or jump, or move between
"set" and "GO!", I was relieved and able to
breathe a sigh of relief.
No one ran over me, I didn't cause anyone to
crash, and I even rubbed arms a time or two and
it didn't spook me.
Can't believe the big show is right around the
corner, and that I'm going..
Nationals.
Eleven days till my first race.

Hit & Miss

Seems I'm missing practice right and left
now.
Last night was outdoor at Emrick but I was
still recovering from what I think might have
been a bad Sunday night supper of left over
fried rice.
Fried rice with little shrimps in it..
That night I was in the bathroom more than
my bed and at work Monday I was basically
worthless.
It really kicked me in the ass and when I
got home I laid down and slept for two hours
dreaming of the most bizarre things and even
bizarrier combinations of people I know doing
outlandish activities :O
Must have been the shrimp..
My intestines are still gurgling but mentally
I'm on a higher note, and I'm thankful to be
in recovery mode.
Indoor tonight.
What will our coach, who is ever planning for
his Teams betterment have in store for us??

Six

Six practices till Nationals.
And I'm already thinking about what to
pack!
Last night's feeling of trepidation when
practice started surprised me. It wasn't
something I was expecting.
There it was though, rising out of my
body memory, on a cellular level, I felt
tentative, questioning each corner.
Would the floor hold?
Once, the weeny part of me even asked if
I really needed to do this..
My answer was to keep skating.
Half a dozen times my eyes flicked to the
door I'd crashed into on Thursday, but at
the end of our two hour practice I wasn't
even thinking about it.
The things that hurt immediately after the
crash, as I was still laying on my back,
the left ankle and big toe, are hardly
noticeable now.
Yet the biceps on my left arm and triceps
on my right are sore, even to the touch.
Of course my lower back is painful where
the bruise is.
I learned the hard way that touching is not
always a good thing, and in this instance,
I need to keep my fingers and anything else,
off the boo-boo on my lower back..
All in all I was happy with practice.
Of course there were lots of sprints, but
the good thing about sprints, is they are
generally short, and you have a place between
each to catch a bit of breath.
When I ask myself if I am ready for July 15th,
the first day of racing in Omaha, I know I am.
There is no doubt.
At this point, where I place isn't the issue.
The issue is skating well,
Of being determined, focused on the laps in
front of me.
Just how well can I skate nervous?
I'm going to find out.
One thing I know, I am not the same person
I was four years ago when I first put on a
pair of fitness skates. I didn't even know
then that there was such a sport as inline
speed skating.
My evolution had been both inner and outer.
There was a time I could not imagine going
any faster, faster than what to me now is
painfully slow.
I learned that "fast" is relative.
That even the slowest people can grasp new
skills, if they don't give up.
Last night I didn't stay in all the drills
to the very end. The fastest, strongest
people did.
Yet, I didn't think less of my self because
of it, as I used to do.
That's because I "know" I'm going to get
faster.
It's not a hope or a dream, it's a fact.
What I could not begin to imagine a few years
ago is now doable, what I could not perceive
of a year ago is more possible than a dream.
This might not be the Nationals where I stand
on the podium.
But it will be the Nationals I put my heart
into when the gun goes off.
My body won't need reminding what it's there
to do, it knows..