Old Thoughts

Like those "really" old people who compare their aches
and pains.
That's me and I have to stop.
Boo-boos aren't that interesting after the bloods been
cleaned up, and my issue didn't even include blood.
Last night I was feeling sorry for myself. It was a
beautiful evening, my Team was gathering to skate
outdoors, and I wasn't going.
I need to be out there skating.
Because if I'm not it's too easy to find chores to do at
home and make excuses.
There is a certain mind set I need to have to skate my
best, and with my skate bag in a corner, and six paper
X-rays of my lower back in my hand, I start thinking it
might be better to take up gardening.
It's fascinating to me to see the bones in my spine though.
I turn each picture and lay it against my stomach trying
to get a feel for where exactly the curve that's not supposed
to be there is, and where the one that's supposed to be
there isn't.
Never thought about my back much except when it hurt,
which lately has been often, and now it's like a bad secret
has come out from under wraps and I want to know all
the details.
When my son saw the X-rays, first words out of his mouth
were, " I bet that's from when that horse fell on top of you".
Maybe, maybe not.
Doesn't matter, done is done and now I have to figure out
how to maximize it's usage without making me a cripple.
So I've been going over in my mind what to tell this Doctor
tomorrow, how to explain what it is that I do and what I
want to do.
At first in my minds eye I was describing myself as a fit
inline speedskater, who raced regularly and was going to
Nationals in 3 months.
Then I recalled the reflection I saw as I stood in the middle
of the small changing room at the imaging center last Friday.
Why they have a huge mirror in there is beyond me, but
as I took my street clothes off to put on the gown, I glanced
in the mirror and what I beheld was a stooped over, lumpy
version of me.
I was a pudgy old lady.
Almost cried right there..
My illusion of being fit flew out the window.
I want my illusion back!