Indoor

Last nights practice rocked!
Getting back on track with my skating goals
and feeling motivated again has put a bounce
in my step that's been missing for too many
months.
The dog eared books I used last year to prepare
for Nationals are being re-read, I've started
keeping a detailed training journal again and
I'm exploring my nutrition, which I know from
experience has a huge impact on how I feel
physically, and hence emotionally, on the floor.
"The body and mind work together"
And, it was way cool to stay in the pace line
during an interval drill after so many of my
Team mates had to drop off.
Just proves to me that I'm stronger when I'm
focused..

Outdoor

Outdoor practice started for a handful of hearty souls
late yesterday afternoon.
Pulling pieces of my long un-used cold weather cycling
apparel from the back closet, I wasn't sure how to dress.
Thankfully I brought two jackets.
Along with gloves, a turtle fur neck gaiter and an inner
helmet cap.
The heavy jacket got me sweaty, so I switched out to a wind
front cycling affair.
I can always count on feeling surprised the first time I
skate outdoors, after being indoor for six months.
It's just a different animal..and my body says "Hey! What
the hell are you doing to me?"
My goal to start, per my coach, is to keep my heart rate in
the 75% range, which for me means 135-140.
You'd think that would be a piece of cake.
It's not.
Especially halfway to 3/4's up the hill.
Best I could manage there was the mid to low 150's.
Maybe I should have taken my skates off and walked up..
As slow as I was skating, it was like I was walking.
:O
LOL!

Goals

Well, it's not like I haven't been here before.
And the feeling of un-happiness that comes with the
mental, and hence emotional location, is familiar.
Simply put, without goals to keep me focused, I am
like a rudderless boat.
Oh, the triangles of cloth are hoisted, I tack this way
and that across the open water.
But with no clear target to point towards, after doing
what I consider my duty, is done, I flounder.
For there is nothing to contain the rest of me.
The left over part.
Nothing to measure myself against, nothing to strive
for.
And I need that.
I need to push against my walls, moving inch by inch
into uncomfortable places to...to what?
To remind me that I am not an inanimate object?
Not a stick?
Not something or someone to stay forever in one one place,
in one form?

Over It

It's done.

Yesterday afternoon, (I was surprised how long it took)
I decided to stop being so concerned about what happened
last Wednesday morning.
Worrying about it, or future possible occurrence's, doesn't
serve me.
Fact is, it makes me miserable.
Ten plus years ago, I had to pull the truck I was driving
over when the vision changed dramatically in my right eye.
Along with that, I was extremely tired, thought I was going
to pass out and seemed to be slurring my "inner" speech.
My son was with me, and not wanting to scare him, I sent him
off to play in a school yard playground while I laid down on
a nearby bench for 25 minutes.
I was scared and concerned then too.
Days later at the Doctors office he told me,
"Well, if it happens,it happens".
Have a stroke that is.
Or, it could have only been a visual migraine episode.
He was right.
If it happens, it happens.
Till then, as the Buddhist's say,
"Chop wood, carry water".

Gotta Love It

A young gal from my Doctors office called yesterday
afternoon

"The Doctor wanted to let you know your test results
were negative".

Oh.
I wasn't aware we were looking for a yes or no answer..
What does that mean?
I'm not pregnant?
Don't have HIV?
Exactly what was the "test" for anyway?
TIA's? MS, migraine?
Those were the things my Doc mentioned when I walked out
his door last Wednesday with a referral in my hand for the
local Imaging Center.
Not one possibility, but three.
So there will no discussion.
No, "This is what I think happened to you" or "I don't know
what it was, but come back to see me if it happens again".
Nada.
I got more information from Shelly, a fellow Blogger. and
from my own research on the internet..

Ho-Hum

There is something to be said for boring old
normalcy.
Feeling better, I'm happy to return to "nothing
much happening".
Lol

Last nights practice has been switched to tonight,
so I worked my arms for the 1st time since early
last week.
I'm committed to putting flabby old lady arms off
for as long as I can pick up a 10lb hand weight..

It was unusual to be awoken in the middle of the
night by heavy rain fall and the the sound was
comforting.
If all went well, the downpours went far in washing
left over salt and cinders off the roads.
Soon I'll be taking the Ninja out of hibernation and
a clean road makes for a happy biker :)

And The Answer Is?

TIA's,(mini strokes) MS, migraine??
There is no firm answer.

Haven't felt well since last Wednesday morning when
I had my unusual "ocular adventure".
The nausea that came with the event only lasted a day,
but vertigo has hung around for the past five.
Didn't go to practice last Thursday because I just didn't
feel right at all and Saturday my body struggled enough
during practice that I eventually had to pack up and go back
home.
Sunday I was in and out of bed, with headaches on and off.
Talked to my Dad later in the day, and low and behold I
discovered that he has been on medicine for years to control
reoccurring TIA's.
He said it took 50+ ocular events, and many visits to the ER
for some one to finally figure out what was going on.
It was a neurologist who solved the mystery.
He also said that each occurrence scared the crap out of him
and he was glad to have them under control.
"You know Hon, what your having are mini strokes.."
Nice....
Well, they say, the evil you know is better than the one you don't.

I'm just happy that I'm finally beginning to feel better.