Gurrrrrrr....

Having my legs burn during warm ups is never a
good sign,and that's been occurring for the last
week or so of practices, ever since I took that
dive into the floor.
Can't blame it on that, nor my current frame of
mind, but that fall was the start of my downward
spiral.
Sunday I left the floor, took my boots off and
left halfway through practice.
When asked by my Coach what was wrong, I couldn't
say..
Tears began to roll on the drive home, and started
again after I changed into warmer clothes, laced
up my running shoes and headed out the front door
for a 3 mile power walk.
It was 25 degrees, windy, and a few times gusts
blew me side ways.
I don't like where I am mentally, or the thoughts
and feelings I'm experiencing.
Yet, there they are, and I can't escape them.
Believe me, I've tried.
This time of year is difficult, the darkness doesn't
help, and skating drags on and on.
Internal motivation is slipping further away and I
am weary of seeing people join the team, move behind
me in line and ahead of me in ability.
My balance issues smacked me where it hurts last night
and my heart wasn't in a sturdy enough place to suck
it up.
Why do my personal issues, my personal weaknesses play
themselves out so strongly in my training?
There has never been a venue that has taken me up nor
brought me down into ugliness like speed skating has.
I'm not sure what I want to do about that..