Focus

Now that I'm going to Nationals, come hell or
high water, I'm just pleased as all get out!
There's a reason to train hard, to focus on
the points I wanted to improve after last year,
and to get down to it and make it all happen.
It's not that I expect to win, or even place,
but I do know I have improved and I know I can
race better this year than I did last year.
Isn't that what it's all about?
Re-reading the training journal I was keeping
leading up to and during Nationals 2007, I
found it interesting to see where my head was
at, and my viewpoint at the time.
Interesting to read about what went down that
Friday morning, the last day of Nationals.
The day I was to race what I viewed as my most
important race, and how I dealt with the anxiety
attack that seemed to come out of no where.

I was running on empty.
While we were in Omaha, I "might" have gotten
3 or 4 hours of sleep each night.
And I wonder now, if I'd had more rest, would
my body have folded in the same way?
The pressure, the excitement, the long days,
the lack of sleep, well, they all added up and
I crashed, and crashed good.
But, I also pulled it together in the end.
And I'm not really certain I would have skated
any better in that last race if I hadn't had a
melt down.
I simply did the best I could at the time, and
it had to be enough, because it's all I had to
give.
In retrospect, I did personally win.
Because I didn't quit.
When I didn't think I could go on..I did.

Is that what my life is all about..
Going on when I don't think I have anymore go?

So now I find it quite interesting that last
night at practice, with quite a small group
and a fill in coach, while T-stopping as I
turned to re-enter the relay box, for my 2nd
to last relay, I pulled my lower back muscles.
I could actually feel the fibers release and
separate as it happened.
Not the first time it's ever happened..
Weird, the last time I had serious back issues
was about this time last year.
And this time last year, I was going to PT and
getting massages as often as I could afford them.
Strikes me funny...
Is this just bad luck?
I'm I unconsciously sabotaging myself?
Would this have gone down if I hadn't decided
earlier this week to go to Nationals, which is
in two and a half months?
Don't know, but it's what I have to work with..