Noise, Internal & External

Internal.
Woke up out of brief dream in the wee morning hours
that went like this:
Location, indoor practice.
Coach has had to step off the floor for a few minutes and
on his return asks how everything went in his absence.
Response from skater left in charge was that everything
was fine once I'd dropped off the pack and rolled into
the middle of the floor.
As in me.
Yes in deed, the pace line worked well as long as I wasn't
in it.
Well..
Looks like my insecurities are showing..
Yesterday I had been blown off my my boss twice.
We were supposed to have a meeting at 9:30am, he
was too busy, so we rescheduled for the afternoon
at 1:30.
He was still too busy.
And totally engaged with whatever he was doing on his
computer, barley looking in my direction.
Since this meeting concerned my job, it was important.
So I thought.

External.
The house being built along side mine is a work in progress.
Day before yesterday an AC unit was installed along the
west side of the new build, which faces the east side of the twin
I live in.
When I got home from work last night the unit was running,
and has been going non-stop ever since.
I am not amused.
It's loud.
If I can hear it from inside my house, in the winter, with all the
windows shut, what's it going to be like in the summer when
I like to have a few windows open?
It's also right next to my little patio area that I put a lot
of effort into planting flowers beds around over the past two
years.
Where, I have spent many the pleasant hour reading and
drinking coffee, enjoying my home and it's surroundings.
My little oasis.
So I thought.

Slice & Dice

Doesn't matter how many band aids I wrap around my
fingers, pre-filing, there will be skin exposed somewhere
and that's where I will get a paper cut :(
Dang!
Filed for 2+ hrs last night and it is gratifying to see the huge
backlog of RO's ever so slowly being reduced in size.
Another month should be all I need to get caught up
completely.
Had my blood pressure taken by the company nurse and
at 116/70 I'm the picture of heath in her eyes.
She asked if I'd lost more weight, which I haven't, but she
has seen me at my heaviest and change is more noticeable
to her since she only drops by every other month.
Attributing the change in weight partly to age didn't fly
with her. No, it's the skating according to her.
My goal is to drop my body fat percentage this year and
tighten everything up.
It's a realistic goal and I see no reason not to accomplish
it.

Sweet Sleep & Other Things

Worked late last night filing and it's going faster now
that I am more familiar with the system.
Fingers wrapped in band aids for protection, MP3
player on and ear buds snug in their place, I'm a virtual
whiz at it now.
Tom-Toms were reverberating up and down the halls
yesterday, softly spelling out an undercurrent of change.
Change concerning my little corner of the business.
Who do I hear it from?
Not my boss, but the outside contractor, working part
time, who is fishing for my position.
A long afternoon meeting between my boss and his boss,
point to the truth of his words..
Cracks me up how some stuff comes down.
I'm not worried.
Wherever I land will be perfect.
Once home last night and after chatting with my son
for a few minutes, I changed into my PJ's, brushed my
teeth, nestled in between the flannel sheets, read for
a minute or two and dropped off the edge of the world,
with a book still in my hand and a light on over my head.
Slept almost straight through till the alarm, and I took
the dark hours like a happy thief coming upon an
unexpected opportunity.
Tired I have been, and cranky, and short tempered.
Sure signs I'm doing too much and not getting the rest
I need.
I've piled my plate to overflowing..and something
has to give, or my health will.
One of the things I'm lightening up on is skating.
With my coaches OK, I'm dropping the fourth practice
in a week that we have one.
For March it will be 3 indoor practices a week and 2 weight
lifting sessions.
Burn out is common this time of year for me.
Hopefully this will keep me fresh and not feeling pressured.
Dad called me while I was filing all day Saturday and among
our chatting wanted to know if it was alright if he bought
me a new bed, mattress set, and the bedding to go with it
for my upcoming 51st birthday.
What was I going to say, No?
Not !
I said, " That' wonderful Dad!"
The one I've been using for the past 4 years came with
the house when I bought it and is from the 1930's I'm
sure.
I'm also sure that the previous owners children must
have been conceived on the mattress..
It is a quality mattress, like the dryer and fridge which
came with the house. All are 30+ years old, and all still
do the job.
They aren't pretty anymore, but work fine.
Now the bed does squeak every time I turn over on my
side, but what the heck.
Don't fix what ain't really broke I say.
I'll be thrilled with a new bed though.
My feeling is, Dad thinks that if I get a new bed,
I'll get a guy friend and have a reason to use something
that doesn't make so much noise.
Dad was quite the stud in his younger days, and thinks
about these things..
LOL
He thinks if I get new clothes, which was my Christmas
present from him and his wife last year, and get my
bedroom prettied up too, I won't end up alone in my old
age.
LOL
God bless him..
He also knows I have my heart turned towards somebody
and is working, in his own way to help me along.
It's nice having a Dad in my life after the long drought
of being fatherless..

Making It Happen

Over this past year I've taken a turn for the better
when it comes to speed skating.
Everyone tells me that I've made great progress, and
have recently reached a new level in my racing.
Can't say it ain't so. Because the proof "is" in the results,
and even being self effacing, I can not deny it.
Fact is I've taken a turn for the better in several areas
of my life.
As for the skating end of things, it's my belief that the
improvement is there due to the coaching I receive,
the non-stop support of my team mates, and selfishness
on my part.
Yes.
I'm becoming self centered.
Focused.
In my training, in what I want my skating to be.
Less of my thinking is about the other guy/gal, and
what they are doing, or what they need or desire.
It's weird for me to feel that way.
Two examples are from the Meet on Sunday.
I wanted to be at the first cone after the start before
the gal behind and to the right of me.
She wanted it too.
Just as much.
And the flashing color of what she was wearing, holding
steady in the corner of my right eye, all the way up the
straightaway, told me so.
Along with her pounding feet.
If it was cookies she had wanted I'd have given her mine.
But not the first cone.
I wanted it and I stepped in front of her with inches to
spare and robbed her of her desire.
And I didn't feel bad.
I felt good.
The second example was after a false start during my
Veteran 500m.
I'd never been on the line at a race and had someone
jump before.
We shot off at the gun, the whistle blew and we all
straightened, rolled out, and swung left and back around
behind the judges table to line up again.
The other two ladies went straight over to line up.
I didn't.
Instead I rolled slowly in a larger arc and they had
to wait for me.
Looking down at the floor I took the time I needed to
regroup, to focus, to still my mind.
There was a brief thought that I might be taking too much
time and I'd make the referees mad, they were waiting
too, but it came and went.
It was about what I needed and wanted, not them.
This is not how I usually do things.
Usually I'm all about service, about doing for others.
Racing and doing for others on a 100m track don't mix.
I read the following last year on Andrew Loves' "Zen And
The Art Of Speedskating".
He had heard it from someone else but I don't remember
who..

"You must race in your own lane, and I mean that
mentally as well as physically".

I wrote that in my journal in August of 2006 and
am just beginning to appreciate what it means.
I wrote this in my journal at the same time:

"Sturdy Girl Racing"

"Eliminate The Fear,
Embrace The Power,
Love The Skates."

So much of speedskating is mental....

Hacketstown Meet

Really wasn't up for this one and wanted to back out.
The past few weeks in my world have been non-stop
action and I resented having to get up at 3am on a
Sunday morning after working 9 hours the day before
and making a 2 hour practice directly after doing so.
Hours.
It just didn't feel like I had enough of them to do
everything that needed doing, including getting some
solid down time to myself to recharge mentally, physically
and spiritually.
Go I did though, because anything less would have
disappointed my coach and team mates.
This was not a race my heart was even close to, yet
my first two races, a 700m and a 1000m, brought me
new measures of how far I've come in the recent months.
No speed queen, but there I was in the Veteran Ladies
700m, right on the back of the woman who has
previously been 1 lap, then 3/4 of a lap then 1/2 a lap
and a 1/4 ahead of me, all year, and all the years before.
Once I even had to slow down to stay behind her on an
end.
With my coach calling out "pass her!" and another teams
coach calling out "set it up!", from where he stood along
the wall, I knew what they wanted, it's what they always
want, it's how they judge performance.
For me, passing had never been the goal.
Catching has been.
Directly behind my friend and competitor was a great
place to find myself, and like a fine meal, was meant to
be savored, not rushed through.
Passing will come as I continue to grow in my sport of
choice.
I have no doubt.
The next race, the Novice Master Ladies 1000m found
me in the same spot, only this time the back I was behind
belonged to some one else.
Another woman I have been behind, far behind at times,
in the past.
Unfortunately for me I fell coming out of the far corner
and it ended the streak.
As we are taught to do. I got up and finished, somewhat in
a daze and on shaky legs.
Later, I was to fall in my Veteran 500m and my coach told me
it was for the same reason as the first.
Guess I've improved enough and have enough speed now
that I need to learn how to stay on top of it and have
centrifugal force work for me, not against me.
Staying low would help matters a lot.
So instead of sleeping in on a Sunday morning, I prepared
my skates, set my alarm clock and made it to another
start line where after the gun went off I achieved another
personal goal.
Not a bad trade for an extra few hours of pillow time..
Positives:
1) I held strong on my starts and did not give it up.
I took it at the cone from the gal behind me who
wanted it just as much as I did.
2) I stepped into the corners and out more often than not.
3) I skated the sides a lot more and there was much less
rolling than the last meet.

So, I would have preferred to sleep in yesterday, but I chose to
do something else and was pleased with the results.
Thanks coach for the pre-meet pep talk!
I did take a long nap when I got home and slept like a rock...

Journaling and Blogging

They have a lot common.
The only complete difference being,
my blog is read by others and my journal is
only read by me.
The last offers more freedom of expression
than the first, but both serve a purpose.
Actually I have this blog and two paper journals.
My second paper journal started last year
when I got more serious about speedskating.
It's for noticing trends, training breakthroughs,
frustrations, what I eat that works, equipment,
and stuff I can't blog about.
After the BRC it's become something of a scrap
book.
Like a kid I was really very excited to find that
many 100's of pictures were taken by various
photographers during Roanoke.
And not just of the big dogs.
Young and old alike were captured for a brief
moment on film and at just about every location
on the floor and off.
And like a kid I was happy as a pig in dirt to find
several of me :)
On the start line, coming around the far end,
on the podium. Very cool since it was the first
time in years I'd seen what I look like racing.
I do have a picture somewhere of my first
outdoor race, at the Debbie Kohl event at T'town
a little over 3 years ago..
All I can say is I've come along way and have a
long way further to go.
Last week I printed out some of the pics from the
BRC, in black and white, and taped them into my inline
journal.
There I am, smile on my face, standing on the
top spot on the podium a few times, and lower down
in the third place spot twice with my relay partners,
Jeff Foster and Jenn M.
I was really very happy.
Yet it wasn't just about winning, or being on the
podium, though that felt awesome, it was about
seeing it through.
It was about not giving up which I was wont to
do even last year.
It was about coming to practice when I didn't feel
like it.
It was about losing 20lbs last year and keeping 19
of them off.
It was about getting out of my warm bed at an
ungodly hour on a Sunday morning and arriving on
time for our monthly League Meets.
It was about not letting the people down who have
encouraged me so freely over the years, who believed
in me when I didn't.
It was about hearing voices cheer for me from the
sidelines during a race like I have cheered for them.
I didn't give up at the BRC.
I got tired and slowed down, I didn't skate my best
in every race, but I never gave up.
Instead I showed up.
On the start line.
Where it all begins..

Rock & Roll

Didn't feel like going to practice tonight..
I was tired when I got up this morning
and even went back to bed for a half hour.
Very unusual for me.
Am I still recovering from the BRC in Roanoke,
or have I just been busy and it's catching up
with me?
Of course, I did go to practice, feel like it or not,
and because I hadn't skated since Saturday,
my feet complained about the constricted quarters
I was putting them into.
Protesting feet or no, I'm still in love with
my Bont 3-points.
One of the best moves I've made was spending
the money I did on these custom boots and I've
never had one trace of a blister or any major
discomfort.
Jumping from 84's to 100's was a snap and I
haven't even begun to get the most I can out of the
set up.
Thursday nights we only have an hour, 8:30-9:30,
but we get a pretty decent turn out for that
late of a practice.
As is done now, we began with skating to
the right.
Disconcerting as it was when we first started
doing it, I like it now and believe we really
will end up having normal paceline drills
going in that direction, just like coach told us
we would.
Not yet though :)
Catch the pack was next and I worked to keep
as close to my competition as I could when we
were called out together.
Imagine, me feeling competitive.
Never thought I would "want" to be ahead of
someone.
Previously I preferred to play nice and let everyone
go ahead of me.
Passing?
Forget about it!
Can't tell you how many times I heard my couch
yell out to me, "Joie! Pass! Pass Now!"
And I would just sit there behind, whoever,
happy where I was.
Over time that position wasn't satisfying anymore.
Then it became a matter of wanting to pass, but
having to learn how to do it.
I was scared out of my mind..
Fast forward over 2006 and I'm not afraid anymore,
on the whole.
If I see the chance I'll take it.
Like tonight when we were doing starts.
I've learned that anything goes once the whistle
blows and before the first turn.
More and more I'm taking advantage of that
knowledge and when I had the cone tonight on
the start line, I didn't let the faster guy to my
right get to the first turn ahead of me.
I squeezed in and took it.
Too bad I fell on my butt coming out of the next corner..
and then he along with everyone else in our group
passed by where I was sprawled up against the wall.
It was great though because the woman who would
never take a chance on the floor is starting to take some,
and in time it's going to pay off.